My story, my past, my memories

Recently, I’m glad that finally after 20 years of being a Christian. I finally see people around me getting to know God a little better. I prayed for the beloved people I care and to protect them not being hurt and he had answered my prayers.

Here are some things we should understand God:

If God answer your prayer, he increased your faith;

If he delays, he increased your patience;

If he doesn’t answer, he has something better for you.

I have to thanks my dad for bringing my family into Christian before he was gone. He was someone that I looked up to and also a member of family that I’m the closest with. When I was young, I woke up every morning and spent time with him till night falls. He read me stories and prayed together before we go to sleep. But he got really ill and was always in and out of the hospital for years fighting for cancer suffering so much pain, but yet he became stronger in Christianity that none of us can be that powerful as him. He was able to communicate and felt God and Holy Spirit.

It was one time, he got so ill that he was struggling and fighting for his last breath in the hospital. All the doctors rushed to help but it failed and finally they all surrounded him to watch till his last breath as he struggled and slowly experienced blur vision and difficulty breathing in pain. It was the moment that he thought of my mom and the next day was my 9years old birthday. He couldn’t bear to see us in pain of his death especially during my birthday too. Then he cried out so loud across the wards to God telling him to show his miracle to people that he can SAVE him. Immediately before his LAST BREATHE, he was able to breathe normally and see things clearly. He calm down and thanks God for saving his last breathe.

The next day, the doctors called us to visit and we rushed to the hospital. He was fine and smiling as usual seeing us and then shared the miracle he encountered that night. We were pretty shocked. After 6 months, he passed away peacefully without any last words as he couldn’t wake up when the sickness strike. It was devastating for us, I was too young to face lost but I’m still brought up well. God has given my dad 6 months to live with us before he is taken to heaven and he won’t suffer in pain again. I don’t blame God for taking him away as I had cherished all the moments with him and also the additional 6months to live with us, to let us appreciate him more.

There are a lot more miracles and signs that I have encountered with God throughout my life and this is one of the amazing miracle I have received.

If there is a meeting, there is a farewell but the memories are forever =’)

There are duties for every Christians, it is for us to spread the God almighty to people so that their sins are washed away and their soul can be saved. I used to think it’s not an easy task to do as I didn’t know how to preach to people. But I realized that I was wrong coz one day I was randomly telling stories about God’s miracles regarding a child to my mom and somehow it open her heart. She said to me that I have learnt so much and my words were able to open her heart again. It was then I realized I am all grown up and mature to spread gospels to people.

I still read bible when I asked God about my difficulties or problems in times, he was always there to show me answers through the verses in the bible. He always have his ways to show people his answers with different signs, especially his blessings are so nourishing when you actually felt him watching over you.

Accomplishment

This is my life and I want to share about my failure for years and how I go through all these stages to the road of success!

Hard WORK comes with tears, falling down, getting up, hurting, healing yourself followed by commitment, confidence n most importantly motivation!

To tell you the truth, I have never been really successful in things I wanted to achieve until now. There are times when I feel emotional for my uncountable failure in life that whenever I’m still in the middle of learning. I break down in tears immediately due to all those negative thoughts pouring on me. It was so difficult to control these emotions. People who are about to give up are the people who are just one chance of getting closer to SUCCESS in life.

I remembered when I studied and revised a month before exams while my friends revise a week before exams. But when the result was out, my grades were so average than those who studied last minute. This goes on till my final semester, I did all my best and being positive was the NUMBER ONE RULE that I kept in my head and amazingly I achieved it! I can’t believe I actually and finally achieved grades that I can’t even predict. My heart jumped for joy when I knew I finally succeed after 10 years of failure in life. Man, I feel so good to succeed and baby is proud for me and I gotta thank him for being so supportive all these times.

Emotions Control

If you want to control your emotions, you have to control your thoughts. “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

Here are guides that I’m going to share from the New York Times Best Selling Author called Sherry Argov about going through relationship.

“How To Stop Thinking about Him?”

1. Whenever you think of him, STOP

2. Consciously replace the thoughts of him with another thought of activity

3. It must be a feel-good activity thought or activity

4. The key is to DISTRACT yourself, immediately

5. Do this repeatedly, each time he pops into your head

6. Get creative, immediately turn on your favourite show, eat your favourite meal, go to gym, or get out for a walk

7. Each and every time you think of you, - Without exception – Stop the worry and pain and force yourself to experience the opposite. Do something that feels good.

The questions that Sherry Argov often heard from women are “How do I stop thinking of him?” How do I stop caring so much? If you’re on a diet, you can’t think about chocolate cake constantly, right? Same goes for relationship. For example, when children cry, you distract them with toy.

You have to break the downward of negativity and force yourself on positive things that have nothing to do with him. If you do these 10 times a day for few days, you will break the habit of obsessing over him.

This is how you lift the pain and pull yourself back up by your own bootstraps

Be free again and find back your inner soul

Tossed and Burnt

Purpose of me coming to overnight in Bandar is to date you and hoping to search for jobs too but it seems like everything are crashing down so fast down to me from you. I was looking forward to date you after not seeing each other for almost a month, but then you came and disappointed me. You're making these troubles, let's not make mountains out of molehills, okay.

You just tossed our love into the trash, yes you did. I would go through these pain, take a bullet straight through my brain. Stones, heavy like the love you've shown, solid as the ground we've known and I just wanna carry on. We took it from the bottom up, and even in desert storms.

Meet the sky where your heart is free and hope comes back to life, where these broken hands are whole again. We will find what we are waiting for, we were made for so much more.

I will always love u

Silent Dreams

I wish I can find my way to achieve my dream one day but will that be possible?

I'm waking up late at night to update my stuffs in internet and preparing my CV still waiting and searching for jobs at the moment. I'm here but many people are missing in action tonight making me felt a little touch of emotions. I know I shouldn't feel this way but what can I say, it's such a silent night.

Lights are off and no television in my room with the silent air condition's temperature that makes me feel cozy but yet my dark room make me feel a little lonely inside. Songs and tumblr accompanied me through the night and I'm gonna hang in there till I fall asleep. My heart is at peace but my mind is doing too much talking. I hope I can get through the night to decide whether I should I have my life here in Bandar or my hometown? Coz sometimes I do feel a little lonely here although there are more entertains here but something is not right.

I DO A LOT OF THINKING

BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP

I play scenes in my mind

I practice what I wanna say

I have endless 'what ifs'

I make plans for the next day

I think of all the people I miss

I ask myself a lot of questions

Moments

I'm back in Bandar for few days and most of all, finally can update my blog with Photos with super fast connection. That's what I love about being in Bandar too. I'm glad that I have spent so much qualities times with my bestie and the girls after not seeing them like forever last year. Here are photos arriving for sharing to all. I loved them all coz without them, I will never understand the precious meaning of real friendship that I have come all along. All the mixture moments :

Our 'Miami Bitch' moment at Sutera Biru! xD

mOINAM's moment

Bouncer Moment!!

Job Hunting's Moment~

Marilyn's Moment

Pudding's Moment.!

Baby shower's Moment

MAN TIAW's moment. HAHA

Condom funny's Moment. HAHA!

sLeepover's moment

Archery's moment

Take That - Patience

Tablets

After waiting and suffering for weeks of hardcore coughing just coz I ate the most sour candies in the first day. Immediately, I received sore throat and cough. Visited the clinic twice coz the medicines got no affect on me, just a little. Instead it got worse. My second visit to the clinic, the doctor gave me weird tablet that I never seen before and another is antibiotic.

Don’t call me insane but I think I LOVE tablets, they’re literally quite nice to swallow when I felt it goes through my throat. Its small solid mass of medicine is pretty cute and swallowing it seems fun to me when I think I am going to heal little by little. If you want me to choose between bitter sweet liquid medicine or color tablets. I prefer tablets aloooooooooot nicer than those nasty bitter liquid that got my hair standing and makes me puke like EWWWW….

2011

It feels so good to be back to my blog again after not updating for quite sometimes due to me tired of the slow internet connection at Lumut here. It's so slow that I don't even bother to go connect it. This Brand new year of 2011 seems like going to be a whole new chapters to begin soon. I have officially completed my college's courses and waiting for my higher diploma result at the moment.

This also means that this year, I will need to search for jobs avaible and settle for some earnings and to gain experiences from work. Somehow, I feel so excited that I'm going to enter a career life and earning money for myself makes me feel good that Im going to be proud of myself. But at the moment, going to go job-hunting with my buddies at KB. Hopefully I can get a GREAT JOB at my hometown so I don't have to hesitate driving in a small area.

The end of 2010

At KLCC, HUGE security teddyBear greetings!

Back from Vacation for a week with baby and Karen. Saw many familiar faces while we were in KL. Overall, it was an awesome trip and a wonderful christmas to remembered. Basically, we shopped like there's no tomorrow and bring home tons of chisnese new year clothes and foods for families. The celebration of christmas in KL was so filled with sprits in the air. Celebrated christmas eve in cheerie berries and balcony clubbing, and saw another familiar face. I bet People from Brunei are all over the destination of other countries to seek the spirits of christmas joy. Now 2010 had ended, I prayed that I can find a good job and moved on with dear life that nothing bad will happen to me.

Harajuku Japanese Crepes tasted so awesome tht mkes me want more

Baby with DOME cup.So cute~

Shopping with Karen xD

Baby love

Ice cream!!